Want to make your long distance relationship thrive? Here?s 11 tips to have him missing you like crazy and wanting to be on the next flight home.
Are you worried that your long distance relationship may have you growing apart? In this post you?re going to learn how to keep the spark alive and how to create a thriving long distance relationship. As a counsellor I have seen clients who share the same goal but are just not quite on the same page to reach it.
The best news is that there is a way to make a long distance relationship work. In the post I?m going to share with you my top 11 tips. By the end you will know exactly how to keep your long distance relationship alive plus how to make him miss you like crazy!
My 11 top tips on developing a successful long distance relationship.
When considering a long distance relationship there are obviously some deep questions to find answers for. These relationship questions may leave you feeling like you?re stepping into the unknown.
There are a variety of reasons that a relationship may need to be long distance such as work commitments, unwell family members, financial considerations, study or accepting a promotion.
The idea of a long distance relationship can conjure up feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration and an overwhelming feeling of loss. The tips provided below aim to keep your relationship flourishing whilst progressing through your long distance journey.
1. The rules in a relationship
To create a flourishing long distance relationship both parties need to decide the rules and the boundaries. You?ll have the best chance of success if you are both on the same page. Think about how you will keep in touch. What do both your schedules look like to determine when and how you can communicate.
When going out socially think about what boundaries you both want in place and what you feel comfortable with. Try not to fall into the trap of agreeing to something that you really don?t feel comfortable with. This will only cause problems further down the track.
Think about jealousy. This can be a massive issue when apart. What plan are you going to put into place to try and avoid any arguments or false accusations. The more you can discuss now about rules in your relationship, the better the chance of you overcoming any speedhumps along the way.
A long distance relationship can be hard work, but if you put in the effort now you will reap the rewards later on. Remember the saying ? ?distance makes the heart grow fonder?!
Good communication is vital to any relationship. Not just a long distance relationship. Actively listening to your partner and finding out what it is they need and what they want from the relationship will help both parties. Feeling like you?re being heard in the relationship and actively listening to your partner helps to generate a stronger connection.
Communicate your expectations for this relationship. Think about what your challenges will be moving forward. How are you going to keep a healthy communication happening when apart? How often will you be able to see each other? What relationship difficulties could you face being apart?
Communicating effectively is what can keep a relationship alive. If we?re tired, distracted, in a bad mood it is so much more challenging to engage in effective communication. So think about how you?re going to keep the communication going whilst living apart.
3. Relationship goals
What are your relationship goals? Write them down. Where do you both want to be in 6 months time, 12 months time etc. How will you meet these relationship goals whilst in a long distance relationship? What will you do to celebrate the anniversaries?
Having a clear idea of each other?s relationship goals leads both parties to the pathway of the future and offers the anticipation of something to look forward to. Being honest in this conversation is vital and will prevent any miscommunication and heart break down the track.
Both of you will have your own personal goals that you would like to achieve and that?s great. We don?t have a crystal ball to know the future so there needs to be the space for compromise in the relationship for when life doesn?t go as planned.
4. Look at the opportunities
When faced with the prospect of a long distance relationship it?s easy to become bogged down in all the negatives. But this is where I encourage you to look for the opportunities in the situation. Think about what benefits there are to a long distance relationship.
It may be that the relationship ends up stronger, you have more time for self-care such as going to the gym. You dust off your hobby collection, spend more time with friends and family or you get to enjoy more travelling to the long distance location. When apart, the times you will spend together will seem all the more special and significant.
By shifting your perspective and mindset on the situation you can turn the whole experience around. Try sitting down together and writing a list of all the opportunities you can see from the long distance relationship.
Download your Free printable Vision Board and Relationship Goals Worksheet
5. Planning ahead
Planning ahead gives us something to look forward to which provides happiness and excitement. So start considering the dates that you?ll be able to visit each other, facetime each other or enjoy a getaway together. It can feel overwhelming if you don?t know when you will speak to each other or see each other again.
Keep in mind that things unexpected can happen in life. You may get stuck in traffic and miss the facetime opportunity or your flight gets cancelled so you have to reschedule. If or when this happens try to focus on the fact that there will be other opportunities and try not to take your frustration out on each other.
Remember that you are both in this together. So work together to achieve the best possible outcome. Schedule in that next virtual date! By both of you submitting the effort to keep planning quality time – the better the chance of success in your long distance relationship.
6. Closing the gap with technology
Essentially in a long distance relationship you are looking to still feel connected as a couple as if you were seeing each other in person. This is where technology can compensate. Being able to text, call, send photos, videos and facetime offers many advantages to keeping the relationship alive.
On the market now are many new gadgets to help us keep the romance alive even when not together. An app called LetsGaze allows a couple to simultaneously watch a movie and see the other persons face at the same time to replicate the ambiance of a real date.
Pillow talk offers you the experience of feeling and hearing your partners heart beat. By each of you wearing a wristband and placing a speaker under your pillow it will feel like your partner is in the bed with you???without the snoring!
7. Relationship anxiety
At some stage during the long distance relationship you will feel anxiety and just want to jet off to be with the one you love. Often we conjure thoughts up in minds that are not factual or reality. This can leave us feeling insecure.
If you?re feeling anxious or overwhelmed with the situation then it?s imperative to communicate how you feel with your partner. This can help you in being reassured and secure in your long distance relationship.
Let your partner know that you?re thinking of them and are missing them. Send a ?flirty? text, organise a bunch of flowers or send a love letter. Just feeling that connection will help the ease the relationship anxiety.
Often we become caught up in the what ?could? happen scenario. Instead of worrying about something that hasn?t happened try to put this energy into something more positive such as doing a mindfulness activity, catching up with a friend for coffee or going to the gym.
8. A romantic couples getaway
It can be easy to slip into a rut when you?re in a long distance relationship. Planning a romantic couples getaway can weave the spark back into the relationship and offer the opportunity of a magical time together making memories.
Spend some time discussing where each of you would like to go. Are you looking for adventure, relaxation, a beach holiday? Brainstorming can start the excitement and give you an idea of what you and your partner are looking for. Find some common ground on choosing the location.
Next is thinking about what your budget extends too. Is it going to be 5 star luxury with all the trimmings or will be a camping trip and getting in touch with nature? Word of warning though. Just because you can afford something doesn?t necessarily mean it?s going to create better memories! Remember what you decided in your relationship goals. Is it navigating towards the future you both want?
9. Talk dirty!
When in a long distance relationship it can be difficult to keep the spark alive. This is where you need to talk dirty! It can help to build the intimacy and drive your partner crazy! Obviously it doesn?t replace being in the same room with them but it does add another dimension to your relationship.
Firstly think about the sort of words you?re going to use to talk dirty. Is the purpose to be romantic or to be passionate and intense? Will you talk about your fondest memories that you?ve had together so far or will it be seductive talk with the intent to arouse him.
Choosing what you?re going to say needs to be considered as you do not want to upset or offend your partner. If you?re sending dirty text messages keep in mind that how it is received may not be how you intended! Be your authentic genuine self and see what magic happens!
Don?t succumb to the pressure of being perfect. Just start slowly. You both need to be in same headspace and be ready to form a deeper connection. So have fun, talk dirty and keep that relationship sizzling!
10. Love letters
Love letters can nourish the soul and bring great pleasure to a relationship. The fact that someone has put so much effort into writing a love letter and demonstrated their affection towards you will tug at anyone?s heart strings.
But there are actual benefits to both parties here. First the writer of the letter feels more connected with their love one and this can reduce anxiety surrounding the relationship. The reader feels truly wanted, appreciated and encompassed with love and affection.
Having the strategy of posting a letter offers the writer more freedom and indulgence with their words. Often face to face we become shy and unsure of what to say. In a letter we feel like we have more of a poetic licence and can really be honest and open with our feelings and thoughts.
Love letters on paper can look and feel increasingly special and totally melt the heart of the receiver. They can become lost in the world of the love letter and feel more present and connected with their loved one.
If you find it difficult putting words to paper fall into your emotions and write how you feel. What is it about your partner that makes your heart sing? The fact that the letter has travelled from writer to reader ads so much more of a personal touch that just an email.
Love letters can certainly help to keep a long distance relationship thriving. That personal touch can really hit the spot!
The final and one of the most important tips is trust. Having trust with each other will be the oxygen of the relationship. If one suspects the other of cheating or flirting with someone else then this can be the demise of the relationship.
Keep up the regular contact, become creative with dirty talk and book that next trip away together. Preserving trust is having the confidence of honesty and loyalty and is something that takes time to develop but can be destroyed in a flash.
So keep the lines of communication open, value each other and the opportunities that the long distance relationship brings.
Remember that the long distance relationship isn?t forever. By both working hard at keeping your relationship alive and appreciating each other, this maybe the start of a happily ever after journey.
In this post you have learnt how to make a long distance relationship work. With honesty, trust and commitment your relationship can not only last ? but thrive! The exciting part is when he returns and you have the most insane date night ever!
Download your Free printable Vision Board and Relationship Goals Worksheet
Other posts you may enjoy.